Writing reviews…

I’m going through that phase again at the minute where i just can’t find it in me to write a review.

“Yeah, because that’s so tasking!” You’re probably thinking, and i don’t blame you.

I’m not sure what it is…maybe it’s the bitter part of my personality feeling that i shouldn’t have to tell people what i think of a movie, and i’m like that quite a bit anyway…Not really in the bitter sense, but if i like something (music, movies, whatever) i sometimes just prefer to keep it to myself, i won’t rush around and show it to a friend right away, i don’t really feel the need to recommend the fuck out of it…which is kind of weird considering i review movies as a hobby.

I do have a half finished review of Sister Street Fighter done…but you know, with reviews it can be easy so just fill it with fluff, sometimes i don’t want to say much more than “This is superb, and i highly recommend it”…but you can’t do that (so the golden book of reviewing says…). It does annoy me sometimes when i read reviews where they have basically just said “i love it, see it”…but it’s 6000 words long, full of pretentious ‘reviewer speak’ and in depth analysis of character motives that look like they were taken right from an interview with the director. Sometimes reviews come across as film geek trophies, more content with giving you a course in analysis and bullshit than telling you if the movie is any good or not…I always think back to the Mark Cousins interview with David Lynch, where he seemed to be over-analysing Lynch’s flicks to the point of show boating (yes, over analysing LYNCH!)…and Lynch was a bit dumbfounded, it seemed like he wanted to say

“Dude, i make movies with midgets and mutant babies…there ain’t much more to it than that, calm the fuck down.” … Of course we know that ain’t the truth, but you know what i mean.

I’ve always felt with the reviews i’ve done that i’ve tried to be a bit light hearted, throw some laughs in there and generally be like i’m just talking about it and not trying to come across like i have a degree in pretension and i want to write for the fucking Guardian. As snobby as it can come across, i do prefer to review shit from the ‘so bad it’s good’ world, as let’s be honest, taking the piss is fun (in a light hearted manner), especially if you love something because it’s so terrible. I think the two best reviews i’ve done were for ‘Laser Mission’ and ‘3 Dev Adam’…they’re fun to read, but also give you a reason to see them…to me anyway.

Then again, there are people like Paul “i’d be a fan of Crossroads if you’re gonna do a special on it” Ross…Who has no pretension whatsoever and does just tell you if the movie is good or not…But, he seems to love every movie ever made (to him Shrek 2 would probably be up there with Mad Max 2) and his reviews come across like he’s getting back handers from the studios…the man either has no taste at all, or he’s just a whore….Probably both. I’ve always got the impression he’s jealous that his brother got the FILM gig on BBC 1, so he’s like “fuck this, i’m gonna review movies too”…That’s probably the reason why his muggy little chops are always on these retro specials too..sure the guy might actually like some of this stuff, but it takes the piss when he’s on almost everyone of them. I guarantee you that if next week the BBC were like…

“Right, we’re going to go forward with Bob’s idea of making a special dedicated to Bagpuss…who can we interview for it…?”

Before he could finish, the “Paul Ross” phone that they had specially made would start ringing, as Pauls psychic powers have told him that another opportunity had arisen for him to pretend he’s a fan of something….kvlt as fvck.